It could be a sad thing or a happy thing but everyone changes, everyone grows up and everyone “grows out.”

We grow up slowly over a period of time. But we also grow up in a stepped manner – when you go through a certain experience it can jump forward your maturity, for instance. The transition period from teenager to full-fledged adult can especially be an experimental and confusing time. It may be a time when your identity begins to change, and a new one is being formulated underneath. Adulthood can mean different things in different cultures and periods of time, and is one of the longest and least understood periods in someone’s life!

You may begin to shed your “identity-skin” (as I like to call it), and for a while, that almost-shed-skin could remain on as a mask. Heck, you might not want to let go of it because you’re in denial – “I can’t have changed. I don’t want to change.” It could be because you’re a little insecure about stepping into the new you, into the new ways you see the world, into the new shift in priorities in your life. You might feel like you’re a counterfeit – and maybe you ARE experiencing imposter syndrome. Around this time, it won’t be surprising if you lose people. “You’re a fake,” they’d say. “You’re not yourself anymore.” And that’s okay. You still have not figured out what’s happening in your mind – how can they? However, ironically, there also seems to be an immense pressure to be “grown up,” too! Paradoxical, much?

Growing up into adulthood is different to what it was 50 years ago. Our generation is exposed to a highly globalised world, thanks to advanced infrastructure and information communication technologies. As James E. Cole puts it in his book “Arrested Adulthood: The Changing Nature of Maturity and Identity, this, together with the changing socio-economic environment, has made it increasingly difficult to become the type of adult that was characteristic of the past. The term adulthood denotes something that is secure and safe, a time where everything will make sense, and you’ll settle down and gain closure. In reality, adulthood is a time of great difficulty for many. And as time changes, the parameters of being an adult changes, too.

In the video above, Jeffrey Arnett talks about how now there is a new stage called “emerging adulthood” denoting the period between adulthood and teenagehood. He proposes that there have been 4 types of revolutions in the last 50 years that is the cause and creator of “emerging adulthood.”

1. Technology adulthood: as discussed earlier,  this is one defining influence in emerging adulthood
2. Sexual revolution: people are getting into sexual relations approximately 10 years before marriage – this did not happen as often historically
3. Women’s revolution: women are demanding their long-ignored rights; they, too, are beginning, if not already, to be an integral part of the economy. More women are choosing to marry later and pursue their careers and dreams instead. Consequently, this means many women are bound to have children later in life than was historically true
4. Youth Revolution: young people are no longer in a hurry to enter adulthood, preferring to prolong their youth as long as they can.

Arnett proposes that the modern world is shifting from a manufacturing economy to a knowledge economy. It just takes longer for the younger generations to prepare for the latter. Maybe that’s why there is so much pressure to enter higher education and become as “qualified” as possible if you want to climb higher in the world.

As the dynamics of adulthood are changing, young people are struggling to come to terms with their reality, especially as we are caught in the limbo of “emerging adulthood.” Thus, “growing up” has now become tougher – and feeling like you’re falling behind is tougher still. The pressure to be grown up is far too much, so it’s not surprising that we feel a little disoriented. This orientation may be rooted in the fact that instead of allowing our identities to organically grow, we are now trying to coerce it. So, to all the people who feel lost, or feel that they aren’t growing up fast enough, just remember that you are going to get there at some point, one way of the other. After all, our identity is always in production, and we are absorbing new information and experiences every minute of the day. I think the focus should not be on reaching adulthood, but rather enjoying the journey and learning as much as you can! You’ll be there before you realise it.

Nethmie Dehigama

Featured image: Elena Garnu, as published on Artidote